IT'S RAINING IDIOTS!
by ptl
Summary: After a disastrous mishap, again, the Reds and Blues ended up in a fantasy world… with Sister. Kazuma will have to deal with even more useless idiots. At least those Freelancers are competent and sane and he can somehow empathize with that Spanish robot. (Teaser/Trailer/Challenge/Whatever you think of!)


_AN: Seriously, I mean, how did not anyone realized this?! *Cough* Excuse me, I was thinking about the impossibility that is the non-existence of Red vs Blue and Konosuba crossovers. I mean, their parodies of their respective genres and are full of lovable and funny idiots. So I thought, why not? And this happened. Note that it will take a lot of time to transform this into a full-fledged story because I didn't read the Konosuba novels and it's been a time since I watched the anime and Red vs Blue._

_Right now I'm busy reading/watching Fate/Zero and High School DxD. I'm only posting this to create a wave, to illuminate everyone about__ the possibilities...!_

_Ehem, okay, this was supposed to be after the Chorus arc so nothing beyond Season 14. About the Konosuba timeline, meh, I'll think it *shrugs*_

_Remember, in this occasion I'm only a messenger of creativity so it will only be this teaser and probable inspiration for more ridiculous stories between Kazutrash and the Blood Gulchers. It could be even more impressing if someone were to successfully add Monty Python to it..._

_P.S.: What classes would fit the Reds and Blues?_

_P.P.S.:Tucker did it._

_P.P.P.S.: Caboose, get out of here!_

**TEASER/CHALLENGE/WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE…**

Today wasn't a good day for Kazuma.

"Save me Kazuma!"

Okay, no day was ever a good day for him. Since the day he arrived to this world, he regretted picking up that good-for-nothing goddess. He should have taken a hax ability, not having a childish tantrum due to that lazy goddess making fun of his death! And she's now on a toad's mouth… again.

"Don't worry, Admiral Blueberry, I'll save you!"

Great, now one of the Blues arrives to the scene, and it seems it's Caboose, the stupidest one.

Oh boy.

While he admires his strength and ability to at least hit _SOMETHING_ (talking to you, Darkness), you would be as good as dead by friendly fire if it weren't for that talking rifle, Freckles. He heard about he killed his leader, WITH A FREAKING TANK OF ALL THINGS UNIMAGINABLE!

And they were supposed to be friends, for fucks sake!

Somehow, he feels he could be great friends with that guy.

"Caboose, I heard that Giant Toad's spit is good for your cutis! Save me some, please"

And that was Donut, one of the Reds. While he didn't have any serious accusation, apart from being somewhat effeminate, he is impressed by the pink ("It's lightish red!") armored man's throwing arm. The only thing is... hesscaredthatheloseshismanhoodandvirginitybecauseofhim!

Do you need me to repeat that, slower? It's Donut who we're speaking here.

"Wait, don't save me yet Caboose! I need that precious cutis!"

And against all common sense (again), that useless goddess refuses to be saved.

Whatever! He's tired of doing everything himself! Let others do it!

And what the hell is that music he's hearing now?! Mexican music?! Oh, it's _them._

"Come on Griff! If you don't attract more of them, you'll end up as their dinner!"

"Who gave you that idea?! I'm not that stupid to letting me be eaten! And could you put away that shotgun from my face before we have an accident or something?!"

"Nope, I like shotguns and seeing you suffer at the same time."

"Fuck you."

And those two that were bickering in a warthog( or is it a puma?) car were Sarge and Griff, Reds also.

About Sarge (who calls their child like that?)… he'll be honest.

He's completely nuts.

Apart from talking like a sergeant from a cheap movie, he's obsessed with fighting enemies, trying to win against the Blues and kill Griff.

In fact, he tried to kill Aqua because her color was blue.

That would have been a glorious day.

Unfortunately, when she showed him her Resurrection spell, that senile old man thought about all the infinite potentials of that power: torturing Griff by killing him again and again and again. And for that he let her live.

Grrr, lucky goddess.

Not to say that he has some insane plans and crazy-ass inventions.

And the worst thing is that they work, for most of the time, even if they are ridiculous.

He feels a little bit kinship towards Griff. Being a former hikikomori, he understands the pleasure of not doing anything. Problem is he could be as lazy as Aqua, even more. And he's one with the most common sense. Even if he loses it when it comes to food.

"Take that motherfucker! Your mother was a bitch. Hahahahahahaha!"

The one insulting the toads while firing them with a Gatling was Simmons. While not firing a current of fiery hot death, he's pretty personable, smart and shy when it comes to women.

A nerd, basically.

At least his hobbies involve some of the Westerner classics like Dungeons and Dragons and the Lord of the Rings, making him the closest one to an otaku comrade. Who knew that Wizardry was originally American and the Witcher games were based on Polish novels?

If he weren't so much of an ass-kisser he would like him more.

"Were is Megumin? We need that Explosion now!"

"I wouldn't mind waiting for a little while more!"

The one next to the turned on Darkness and desperately trying to contain all the toads that were converging on them was Wash or Washinghton, the Blue leader, one of the sanest persons there and a badass soldier. He was part of some sci-fi secret military program called Program Freelancer, somehow involving AI and cyborg enhancements or something like that. When pressed about the subject, he responds with "I don't want to talk about it. It was… very personal."

He doesn't know what to expect from that, but if a man as personable and strong as him reacts like that, then he doesn't want to know what the hell happened in that project. Brrr. It gives him the feels.

"Doc is with her, he says she had to pee!"

The one to bear the news was fighting (or massacring) the toads with dual guns and kickass kung fu moves. That one was Carolina, another Blue, another sane person and an even more badass Freelancer. She also seems to have the same issues as Wash about her past, but he lets that aside knowing that she's the only girl in the group able to do something useful!

Though he has to take care of what he says of does in front of her unless he receives a beatdown. Gulp.

Wait, what was that about about peeing?!

"Seriously?! Couldn't she have done that before going?! One toad nearly licked me, Bow Chicka Bow Wow!"

The one to put up that horrendous innuendo was Tucker, who just sliced said tongue with a plasma sword.

Why do the sci-fi soldiers have all the good stuff?!

Ehem, continuing. Tucker, Blue (or black?), swordsman and self-proclaimed ladies man. A pervert even worse than him. He already flirted with Luna-chan, Wiz, Sena and every woman in Axel. Even if those ended up in failure, if what the others say about him doing a mass impregnation to a huge chunk of women population of a planet after visiting an alien god of fertility's temple was true, then he was the worst of the worst!

At least he can laugh at the alien son story. Even if he also feels disgusted about it.

Then a gigantic explosion blew up nearly all of the annoying toads, leaving some strugglers easy to fend off.

"Sorry if we're late but Megumin also had a little bit of constipation."

"I-Idiot, don't tell them that!"

The one in purple armor carrying Megumin is known as Frank DuFresne, but that is too long so everyone calls him Doc, because he's the Blues medic. Technically, he's supposed (insists) that he's neutral and doesn't want to pick a side, however he spends up a lot of time with the Blues, even if he's very good friends with Donut, so it stuck.

Apparently, an evil (and very hammy) AI called O'Malley possessed him for a long time, manifesting in a homicidal personality with the same name from time to time, with a penchant for explosions and wanton destruction.

Ah. Maybe that's why he's around Megumin lately.

"Uff, now that we have all the toads and their valuable embellishing spit, we can go home, Lopez, go take it all to the guild, please."

"Yo pensé que nunca odiaría a alguien tan idiota como Sarge. Me equivoqué, te odio a ti más, pendejo peliazul." _(AN: Sorry if this doesn't sound like Google Translator but I'm a Spaniard, my pride wouldn't allow me to use cheap translators!)_

Oi, stop ordering people around would you, stupid goddess, especially the poor Lopez!

"You're right, Sarge! I can't understand what he says but I know that he agrees!"

"I know, right?"

And stop encouraging her, Sarge!

Sigh. To explain: Kazuma picked up some interest in Spanish while watching Bleach, especially during the Arrancar arc. He ended up studying it completely, being completely mesmerized by Spanish and Latin American culture, transforming himself in a Hispanophile (_AN: I'm so proud of you *happiness tears*_) so he can understand the language perfectly.

That's why when he met Lopez, he felt like he found a kindred soul, not only in language: two people eternally cursed to suffer the utter idiocy of their teammates though Lopez had it worse with Spanish being apparently a dead language in the 26th century and no one to understand him. Lopez felt the same, talking with each other to relieve themselves of all the stress dangerously accumulated in their systems.

Though that means Kazuma also understands Lopez insults towards him when he does something stupid.

Kazuma sighs. Since arriving to this world, his life was a continuous spiral of insanity. With the arrival of the Blood Gulchers, the craziness somehow upped to eleven. And he has to deal with all of it. Sigh.

He wishes that nothing worse happens and what little sanity he has won't be completely shattered.

…

Oh, to who's kidding? It will become worse.

_AN: It took quite a lot to write it all at once but I did it! Now, remember, unlike the other fics, this one won't become a full-on story until some time or I feel like it. I leave that humble sample with the purpose to inspire others, don't forget it. Again, it's been a time since I reconnected to those two series, so go forth, wise and talented, experienced and newbie writers, let's begin a new age of fanon comedy togetheeeeeerrrrrrr!_


End file.
